I love being around people who love to do what I love to do, which is comedy.

Sometimes I think we're exposed to things we shouldn't be exposed to too early. I think that sets the tone to a person's whole life.

They say when opportunity knocks you should let it in and invite it to sit at your table. F*** that -- when opportunity knocks, you should take it captive. Beat that s*** down. I've got opportunity tied to a chair in my basement with a ball gag in its mouth. Opportunity ain't even thinking about leaving my house. If you keep quiet for a second, you'll hear it whining.

If I don't offend somebody, then I'm probably not funny.

I'm old, and so busy with work, that I like to just stay home and get my sleep now. I try not to burn both ends of the candle.

The truth is if I had a gay son, I would love him just as much as if he was straight… I might have to try to love even more because I know of the difficulty that he would have in society.

My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality.