Even from the very beginning, I didn't put any money in the stock market.

When I was in sixth grade there was a talent show, and I wrote my first sketch, 'The Dentist.' I played the dentist, and I had my friend play a patient. It was sort of what can go wrong at the dentist, and I just remember I had lots of fake blood and everything.

Living is having ups and downs and sharing them with friends.

The Republicans didn't want the government to run your life, because Jesus should. That was really part of their thing: less government, more Jesus. Now it's like, how about more government and Jesus?

When someone goes, 'Oh, this group is really pissed off at what you said,' there's not a piece of my body that goes, 'Sweet!' That means I did it wrong. I'm just trying to make people laugh.

Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it.

Sean Penn's really the only one stupid enough to put anything down on paper.