If all else fails, you could wait for the first corner and tie his dreadlocks to the goalpost.

Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.

Over the years, I've had about 80 stitches in my head and face from football incidents and bar incidents, so I have lots of scars. I don't think I look intimidating, but I'm sure other people have their opinions.

I'm a Conservative, but I talk for the ordinary working classes. I get on with the boys at the pub, but I can also mix with Prince Andrew. I understand both levels. The toffs haven't lived in council estates; they've just known big mansions. How can they understand how the postman feels? I would never say no to becoming an MP.

I signed schoolboy forms for Watford when I was 12, but then my parents got divorced, and I never kicked a ball for three years. I rebelled, I left home, but getting back into football sorted me out. It was the second chance I needed.

I've always had my ear pierced with a diamond stud. I did it myself when I was 16.

I got into moisturiser when I played football. If you're out in all weathers you have to take care of your face.