I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.

To be successful in show business, all you need are 50 good breaks.

Why don't you do the world a favour. Pull your bottom lip up over your head and swallow.

I always had one ear offstage, listening for the call from the bookie.

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.

Every actor looks all his life for a part that will combine his talents with his personality... 'The Odd Couple' was mine. That was the plutonium I needed. It all started happening after that.

We're writing a book together. She just finished one. Did you read it? Among the Porcupines?