I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.

I never worked with Marilyn Monroe, but if she'd lived, I think she would have been all right. She would have been President of the United States.

Why don't you do the world a favour. Pull your bottom lip up over your head and swallow.

The first girl you go to bed with is always pretty.

Every actor looks all his life for a part that will combine his talents with his personality... 'The Odd Couple' was mine. That was the plutonium I needed. It all started happening after that.

I wanted to be a pharmacist. I liked the way our local pharmacist was always dressed in a nice white coat; he looked very calm, you'd give him money, and he'd give you something that you wanted to buy.

We're writing a book together. She just finished one. Did you read it? Among the Porcupines?