I never worked with Marilyn Monroe, but if she'd lived, I think she would have been all right. She would have been President of the United States.

There's no such thing as 'too late!' That's why they invented death!

I always had one ear offstage, listening for the call from the bookie.

It's very easy to live here. You're anonymous here. Nobody knows who you are.

I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.

To be successful in show business, all you need are 50 good breaks.

I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.