I'm a Progressive. Much in the same way our founding fathers - who, oddly enough, wouldn't get elected today - were Progressives.

Black, white, yellow, brown - we wanted somebody who would do right by us. And I think because Obama was that person, whether he was black or white, he was chosen

You know, when I'm looking at these '08 yachts that are for sale, I think "I could have just walked in with a briefcase of cash and put it on the table and walked out with a yacht."

There's always going to be someone as funny as you or funnier.

Enjoy the little fun things - like taking your kids to school - before they're all grown up.

I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time.

Personal philosophy: Clothing optional