I've always wanted to sail around the world in a handmade boat and I built a boat.

I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato

I left 'Saturday Night Live' without a film to go to, and I'd filmed 'Old School' while I was in my last season of the show, and that hadn't come out yet. I was a free agent, in a way, but I knew it was time to leave the show and test the water.

Members of the Senate and House, if they want to send troops into war, should be forced to send a family member. That would really make everyone stop and go, 'Ohhh-kaaay.'

I still regret that I never played soccer in high school. I chose basketball over soccer.

If you ain't first, you're last!

In the fourth grade, I learned how to fake walking into a door. You know, you hit it with your hand and snap your head back. The girls loved it.