I didn't want to do the sitcom thing, but I didn't know what else to do.

Yeah, I do stand-up, my own type of stand-up.

Don’t waste your time trying to get into my head. There's nothing there.

How do I stay so healthy and boyishly handsome? It's simple. I drink the blood of young runaways.

I think you die the way you live.

You need to be silly to be funny.

This is my saddest story: In grade school, they would have us open our Valentine's cards and read them out loud. I always sent cards to myself because nobody else did.