I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?

Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.

Who's the bigger idiot, the idiot or the idiot who gets fooled by the idiot?

In New York State they have a strange law that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery - and it's weird, because the Ten Commandments say 'Thou shalt not commit adultery.' But New York State says you have to. Well, finally, what happened was that my wife committed adultery for me. She's always been more mechanically inclined than I have.