I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I'm really a timid person - I was beaten up by Quakers

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country.

Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies.