I love baseball. You know, it doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just very beautiful to watch.

Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed?

Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.

Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.

In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.

Yes, but the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, 'Everybody up, it's morning,' it's very hard to find your slippers.

You're a genius! And the proof is that both common people and intellectuals find your work completely incoherent.