Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.

Anything worth knowing cannot be understood by the human mind.

I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.