Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it!

When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said rabies. She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets... I thought she'd been bitten by a Great Dane.

I'm a creature of the New York City streets.

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

I read in self-defense.