Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.

I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.

Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion.

I was in analysis for years because of a traumatic childhood; I was breast-fed through falsies.

My relationship with death remains the same - I'm strongly against it.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.