The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst thing you could say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death.

How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.

Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.

Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.

With me; it's just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything.