He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

As I've gotten older, the parts have diminished. I liked it when I was younger, I could always play the lead in the movie and I could do all the romantic scenes with the women, and it was fun and I liked to play that. Now, I'm older and I'm reduced to playing the backstage doorman or the uncle or something. I don't really love that so occasionally, when a part comes up, I'll play it.

See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics.

90% of success in life is showing up

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer. Not to love is to suffer.

And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.

A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings.