He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

You always think another time would have been ideal for you . . . the reality is there was no novocaine when you went to the dentist.

The best an idea gets is when its in your head.

Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything? Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes.

A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.

We knew the front door was always left open, but we broke in just to keep in practice. Doxy turned all the Washburn family photos to the wall so there wouldn't be any witnesses.

In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.