By now they had mastered my own language, but they still made simple mistakes, like using 'hermeneutics,' when they meant 'heuristic'.

Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.

I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but I don't want you spreading that around.

There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.

I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian.