By now they had mastered my own language, but they still made simple mistakes, like using 'hermeneutics,' when they meant 'heuristic'.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on.

My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats.

What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb; anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.

There have been times when I've thought about it - but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.

If you aren't failing, you aren't trying.