Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?

Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

I'm giving [my analyst] one more year--then I'm going to Lourdes.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

. . . they confuse everything I do with my life.

Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.

The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don't.