I hope you're getting this down.

I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.

Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

If you're born with a gift, to behave like it's an achievement is not right.

Until you've been kissed on a rainy Parisian afternoon - you've never been kissed.

I’m going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I’ll be dead. you know, in fact, if I get the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier, which would be perfect. Or wait a minute. It -- with the time change, I could be alive for six hours in New York but dead three hours in Paris. I could get things done, and I could also be dead.