I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.
Woody AllenI don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.
Woody AllenIn New York State they have a strange law that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery - and it's weird, because the Ten Commandments say 'Thou shalt not commit adultery.' But New York State says you have to. Well, finally, what happened was that my wife committed adultery for me. She's always been more mechanically inclined than I have.
Woody AllenSometimes some of the best moments are contributed by the actors being creative, with their own improvisations.
Woody AllenYou can be distracted by your love life, by the baseball game, movies, by the nonsense. "Can I get my kid into this private school? Can I get this girl to go out with me Saturday night? Am I going to get the promotion in my office?" All this stuff, but in the end the universe burns out. So I think it's completely meaningless.
Woody Allen