Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals.

Some people think about sex all the time; some people think of sex some of the time; and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers.

I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.

I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them.

The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.