If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become. Impelled by this new religious fervor, I glutted myself like a fanatic.

Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler?

There's nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic.

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.

I don't inhale because it gives you cancer, but I look so incredibly handsome with a cigarette that I can't not hold one.

In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.

I'm a nice person! I have healthy life drives and goals! I don't drink, I don't smoke. I would never force myself sexually on a blind person!