Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.

When you work from city to city or country to country, you work the same way; the working method is the same.

I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.

Maugham then offers the greatest advice anyone could give to a young author: "At the end of an interrogation sentence, place a question mark. You'd be surprised how effective it can be."

Is old age really so terrible? Not if you've brushed your teeth faithfully.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.