I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion with you.

To me there’s no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They’re all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.

Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler?

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm.

Ninety percent of life is just showing up.

When I started out, I was a television writer, and we wrote a television show that was on live every week. And you didn't have the luxury of coming in and waiting to be inspired. You came in and you had to write. And you wrote, because it was going to be live on the air. So I can do that.