There have been times when I've thought about it - but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.

If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?

Should I marry W? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. And what about her career? How can I ask a woman of her beauty to give up the Roller Derby? Decisions...

Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.

In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate it, and you may laugh at them and get a certain amount of enjoyment. But when you're asleep at night, and you wake up at 3 in the morning, and you're alone in your bed, you know who's really funny.

I do occasionally envy the person who is religious naturally, without being brainwashed into it or suckered into it by all the organized hustles.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.