I couldn't tell if the streaker was a man or a woman because it had a bag on it's head.
Yogi ordered a pizza. The waitress asked How many pieces do you want your pie cut? Yogi responded, Four. I don't think I could eat eight.
So I'm ugly. So what? I never saw anyone hit with his face.
If people don't want to come out to the ball park, nobody's gonna stop 'em.
Losing is a learning experience. It teaches you humility. It teaches you to work harder. It's also a powerful motivator.
On being the guest of honor at an awards banquet: "Thank you for making this day necessary."