You always see actors complaining about being typecast and ruining their career. Really, I don't see the point in complaining. If the only role you can play well is a black dude, you're never going to get ahead in this town, and you should just accept it.

I did theater for a few years while I was in New York, but it was tough having to perform scripts worse than what I knew I could write.

I'm not saying I hate Jews, I'm just saying that I think they shouldn't be alive any more.

Sometimes, I go to Barnes & Noble with the sole intention of moving all copies of the bible to the fiction section.

Don't get me started on cold toilet seats.

When I think about the holidays, I think about the Salvation Army guys ringing bells in front of stores. They're always so nice to you and they're always willing to give a heart to heart conversation. They actually bear the winter cold to ask for your petty cash with a smile on their face. Fudge those guys.

I mean, what's eleven million people now days?