I'm grown ass man and grown ass men can do whatever they want, got it?

When I was little I always wanted to drive a train. That, and become a baker.

So I was at the gas station the other day, and I saw that there was braille on the pumps. I don't see how they can cater to blind drivers. I mean, there are certain rights you should lose once you lose what makes you a person.

Well, you need to have at least one black friend, otherwise people think you're racist

I think they're bogus, honestly. How utter garbage like Crash and Million Dollar Baby can win best picture, where true works of art such as Garden State go untouched is beyond me. It just proves how close-minded America really is, and I refuse to take part in it.

If God wanted women to be treated equally to men, he'd have given them penises.

I've never had much sympathy for orphans, I mean, when I was their age I would have killed to have no parents to make me clean my room and stuff