I've had to remove all mirrors from my home. I just can't seem to look at myself without having to buff the bishop, you know?

I guess sometimes God just needs to laugh

It's a good thing I'm a professional and could see the pure genius talent behind the raw sexual beauty.

When I played the Shins, I changed someone's life. When I play Belle and Sebastian in a pivotal scene in my next movie...well, let's just say I made sure I that I can't be held legally responsible for all the deaths people will suffer out of shock upon hearing them. They're a terrific band.

Hitler was about population control.

If we're going to solve the problems in North Korea, the first thing we're going to have to do is start helping them get basic amenities like electricity, televisions, and DVD players over there. Otherwise, how can they watch 'Garden State'?

Yea, I've got a dream too. It involves time-travel and a rifle.