That Hugh Laurie show is nothing but Scrubs fan fiction.

Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it's in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.

Once both gay marriage and marijuana are finally legal, those of you against them are not invited to the really fun parties I'm gonna throw.

People keep asking me whether I'm going to vote for Obama or McCain in the election. But I'm like, why bother? There will never be another leader as good as he was.

Everyone has an idea that they think would be a great movie. Everyone has a cousin who they think you should work with.

My favorite meal? It has to be furburgers everyday in the morning.

I don't care about image and all that nonsense. I'm in sweat pants every day. I don't play the game at all.