I use the N word almost daily. It reminds me that I'm successful

I actually did ponder doing the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie thing and get a kid from Ethiopia. But you know, I already have an ashtray.

I mean, nobody's ever thrown a big rock at me or my friends, but we're all pretty tough guys and could probably handle it.

Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They're probably still hanging there.

If we've learned anything, it's that the combination of yellow smiley faces and blue polyester vests are irresistible to the inbred.

You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.

Sometimes, I go to Barnes & Noble with the sole intention of moving all copies of the bible to the fiction section.