I don't have anything against this Jesus guy, but has he written, directed, and starred in his own movie?

Working on 'Scrubs' made me feel guilty because I realized that if I had decided to become an actual doctor, instead of just playing one, I could probably have found a cure to cancer within five years.

There's a lot of gray area in the law. Who can say, without a doubt, that I was in the wrong?

People are always going to find fault with anything you do, any process that you're a part of. The creative process means taking risks, I've taken risks and I've made mistakes, but the bottom line is, could anyone else have done any better ? I have to believe that what I created was worthwhile.

When things seem to be slowing down, there's this little trick I like to play. I'd plow this virgin who's on her period, and after I'm done I'd just run out into the living room, or the dance floor, with all that bloody goop on my junk and yell, OH MY GOD, I'VE BEEN SHOT IN THE NADS! Yeah, good times.

Well, you need to have at least one black friend, otherwise people think you're racist

You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics.