When you're the director and the writer, you never have to remember your lines, and there's no one to call you on it. On Garden State I did different lines on every take, just making crap up. And it was great each time.

Sure, they are the future of our world. Nike and Reebok need more factory workers every day.

Put God and me in a cage, what do you think who will win. God, because I created him.

It's not that I'm racist or anything, because I'm not, but I just don't think we should be wasting our time helping people that are going to die soon anyway.

If John McCain were really a war hero he would've won Vietnam.

Being around blind people is always a little frustrating to me because I know they have no idea how handsome I am.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.