When you're the director and the writer, you never have to remember your lines, and there's no one to call you on it. On Garden State I did different lines on every take, just making crap up. And it was great each time.

I mean, personally, I would have had no problem surviving. Come on, how hard is it to swim?

Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They're probably still hanging there.

I never taught a blind/deaf chick to read, but somehow I've managed to turn Scrubs into a watchable show. That may not sound like much, but take a look at my surrounding cast and ask yourself, who's the real miracle worker?

Sure, they are the future of our world. Nike and Reebok need more factory workers every day.

I think they're bogus, honestly. How utter garbage like Crash and Million Dollar Baby can win best picture, where true works of art such as Garden State go untouched is beyond me. It just proves how close-minded America really is, and I refuse to take part in it.

I believe the general consensus is the bigger it is, the more women flock to you. I guess its a good thing mine is HUGE!