I never looked at bread the same way again

When I played the Shins, I changed someone's life. When I play Belle and Sebastian in a pivotal scene in my next movie...well, let's just say I made sure I that I can't be held legally responsible for all the deaths people will suffer out of shock upon hearing them. They're a terrific band.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

My co-stars aren't bad actors, but they're no Zach Braff.

I've always wanted to have kids of my own, it's just tough finding a woman I wouldn't be wasting my DNA on.

People have called me fake, but personally, I don't think I'm fake because I'm so insincere.

Well, you need to have at least one black friend, otherwise people think you're racist