The very fact that the jaguar can become extinct while the Pekingese survives indicates to me that someone hasn't thought this thing through.

I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Any good history book is mainly just a long list of mistakes, complete with names and dates. It's very embarrassing.

The Baptists' basic theology is that if you hold someone under water long enough, he'll come around to your way of thinking. It's a ritual known as 'Bobbing for Baptists.'

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I'm not an athiest. How can you not believe in something that doesn't exist? That's way too convoluted for me.