That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

The Baptists' basic theology is that if you hold someone under water long enough, he'll come around to your way of thinking. It's a ritual known as 'Bobbing for Baptists.'

Any good history book is mainly just a long list of mistakes, complete with names and dates. It's very embarrassing.

A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I don't know whether you have any rights before you're born. All I know is that being born again doesn't entitle you to twice as many.

I never joined, but I used to go to church now and then. I liked it, because they always passed out plates of money at the end.