Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

Plant trees. They give us two of the most crucial elements for our survival: oxygen and books.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

The Baptists believe in The Right to Life before you're born. They also believe in Life After Death, but that is a privilege and you have to earn it by spending the interim in guilt-ridden misery. At an early age I decided that living a life of pious misery in the hope of going to heaven when it's over is a lot like keeping your eyes shut all through a movie in the hope of getting your money back at the end.

I don't know if the unborn has rights, but I do know that being born again doesn't give you more rights.

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

There are a billion people in China. It's not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a billion people. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you.