Having a kid is great... as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or speaking.

I shouldn't be near Vegas and have money in my pocket.

When I do stand-up shows at colleges, girls will talk to me after the show, and that always feels good. I like talking to them.

I guess in my house when I was growing up, I was comfortable trying to be funny. And my dad, of course, it bugged him sometimes. He was trying to rest, and I was constantly trying to say something stupid to get a reaction. But I like doing these movies. You can do it in front of the camera and then it's over. I don't have to worry about being in front of too many people.

It's nice when little teams win.

Well I have a microphone and you don't so you will listen to every damn word I have to say!

I'd like to have a kid, and I'd like to be driving around. I know a kid is going to be a big part of my life. I can trust my kid. I know my kid would be in the backseat of my car, and when I say You wanna get some ice-cream? he's going to be happy. My brother has kids. I see that trick work, the ice cream trick.