My intention is never to hurt anybody. I'm happy when people are having a good time.

A lot of critics object to what I do, but I got into comedy to make people laugh, and I've always worked hard.

My name is Adam. My father's name is Adam. Having the same name as your father, it's alright until your voice changes. My friends would always call up, 'Is Adam there?' My father would say, 'This is Adam.' My friends would say, 'Adam, you were so wasted last night.'

I don't know what drives me to succeed. I know I want to always do the best I can. I never was like that as a kid.

I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

One night I couldn't sleep. It was like 2:00 in the morning. I was thinking, 'What can I do?' I'm watching TV. I'm like, 'Let me do something else.' I'm not going to fall asleep for a few hours. What are my hobbies? There was the masturbation option. I skipped that because just knowing my kids are down the hall I felt psychotic. So, I went with watching more TV. I couldn't come up with anything. I was going, 'God, read a book.' Then I was like this, 'Where do I keep the books?' I've got nothing to do but watch TV.

Hanukkah is...the festival of lights, instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights