I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

Hanukkah is...the festival of lights, instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights

When I was younger and did a stand-up gig, it would take me two weeks to recover. Sometimes I'd get so panicked that I would stutter.

My father wasn't perfect. He had a temper. I took some of that. He would snap, but the older he got, he started calming down. He learned about life, but the thing that he taught my whole family was that family was the most important thing and, no matter what, if a family member needs you, you go and help them out; you get there.

My name is Adam. My father's name is Adam. Having the same name as your father, it's alright until your voice changes. My friends would always call up, 'Is Adam there?' My father would say, 'This is Adam.' My friends would say, 'Adam, you were so wasted last night.'

I read to my kid, but I can't stand reading.

Of course, I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.