I'm pretty hot, right? Very hot, if I may say so myself. Don't you feel the sex I'm radiating?

I'm not great at bedtime stories. Bedtime stories are supposed to put the kid to sleep. My kid gets riled up and then my wife has to come in and go, 'All right! Get out of the room.'

My grandmother used to embarrass me more, when she would pick me up from school wearing a big fuzzy hat. I didn't like that.

Sitting in a room being forced to listen to 'The Chanukah Song' over and over." [on his idea of Hell]

I mean, I look at my dad. He was twenty when he started having a family, and he was always the coolest dad. He did everything for his kids, and he never made us feel like he was pressured. I know that it must be a great feeling to be a guy like that.

I like sitting and writing with my buddies.

I still get very scared when I step in front of a live audience.