Well, once I fried tofu and put Sriracha on it. After that I was so depressed I swore off preparing food for myself altogether.

I'm always alone. Sad face emoticon.

Stop throwing us all together like some sort of Puerto Ricaminican Tex-Mex buffet.

Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. I love to take the wife and kids, but it's also near a sketchy neighborhood. So there's a lot of gang members that hang out at the waterfall. It's like somebody took an Ansel Adams photo and then put a Cypress Hill video inside it.

Well, once I fried tofu and put Sriracha on it. After that I was so depressed I swore off preparing food for myself altogether.

I bullshit on the phone all day with a variety of people discussing various projects, and occasionally write jokes.

My primary responsibility is to be funny.