I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art!

Somebody will come up to me after a show and have me sign their arm, and the next time I see them my autograph has been permanently inscribed on their arm.

I don't want to pooh-pooh modern pop. I appreciate that as well, but my personal favorite kind of music is guitar-based rock. I like grunge and garage bands and alternative music, but that's more my personal taste.

He put Ben Gay inside my jock strap and filled my tooth paste tube up with glue.

I cut my teeth playing rock songs on the accordion when I was a teenager and my friends always thought that was extremely amusing. I think that was the genesis of my polka medleys, because every rock song I played on the accordion just sounded like a polka and my friends thought it was funny. So that was a joke that I continue up to this very day.

One of the hardest things I've had to deal with in my career is keeping my material topical even though I only release albums every three or four years.

That's something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.