Somebody will come up to me after a show and have me sign their arm, and the next time I see them my autograph has been permanently inscribed on their arm.

I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than spend one more minute with you.

It's hard to say, I picked one of my favorite articles for the MAD vault. Which is one of the features of the Magazine so they don't have to actually pay artists or writers to come up with new stuff.

He put Ben Gay inside my jock strap and filled my tooth paste tube up with glue.

My wife went off with Elvis.

Not any specific one, but I was a huge fan of Frank Jacobs, I guess he wrote the plurality of the song parodies for MAD, Sam Hart, a few others, but that was also where I was first exposed to the art form of song parodies.

There are probably a few library fines I haven't paid yet, but I'm a pretty clean-cut guy overall.