Somebody will come up to me after a show and have me sign their arm, and the next time I see them my autograph has been permanently inscribed on their arm.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

Right now I'm listening to a lot of Top 40 music, because THAT'S MY JOB.

People that were a little nerdy in high school would look up to me and know it gets better.

Got a brand new semi-automatic weapon with a laser sight. Oh, I'm praying that somebody tries to break in here tonight.

People say releasing an album is like giving birth, but it’s more like having a gallbladder operation.

I start with a comprehensive list of all the recent songs that have been big hits - and then I go down that list and see if I can come up with funny ideas for them. I can always come up with ideas, but not necessarily good ones!