There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn't all the water gush out when you get in?

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.

Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.

All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.

Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come

English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit. ... Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds, kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden, English bohemians sit in cold orderly rows, like carrots.