Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.

The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren't called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)

10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?

The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.

Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come

English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit. ... Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds, kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden, English bohemians sit in cold orderly rows, like carrots.