When I die, if the word 'thong' appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I've screwed up.

I got so good at writing to a budget, my brain was restricting myself. I'd write, "It's a stormy night." Then I'd cross out stormy. I'd write: "It's a calm night." Then I'd cross out night. It's noon. Because you know how much night costs. You know how much rain costs. Nothing comes free in movies.

I'm a member of the Academy, but I don't know who all the other Academy members are. It's not like a politician who knows who is in the Iowa caucus.

I just like making people laugh, and buried in that I like to bring up topics and start discussions.

You always got to be happy when somebody likes what you do. It's stupid not to be happy.

Regrets are stupid; they don't mean anything and they don't add up to anything.

There's nothing funny about flying to Houston.