When I die, if the word 'thong' appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I've screwed up.

'Drive' came to me because the casting director knew my manager and called and said, 'You've always talked to me about Albert wanting to play the heavy. I think he should read this.' My ears just perked up.

All improv turns into anger. All comedy improv basically turns into anger, because that's all people know how to do when they're improvising. If you notice shows that are improvising are generally people yelling at each other.

I've seen the future! It's a bald-headed man from New York!

When you improvise on the spot, people are very reluctant to have soft moments or quiet moments or sad moments because they're trying to fill up the spaces. So they always go towards, "How come you're late?! You're supposed to have my shirt ready! You call this a dry cleaner?!" That's what happens. That's why improvising on the spot gets very dicey.

A lot of alliteration from anxious anchors placed in powerful posts!

If we had 3 million exhibitionists and only one voyeur, nobody could make any money.