If someone starts agreeing with me, I don't like it. Out of pique, I become something else.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.

Now, as a comic, if you're vaguely amusing you can go straight into TV, then you play the O2 and then everyone's sick of you.

Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, may have had his charms, but he really couldn't be considered hip.

I liked 35 and in both my novels that is the age of the lead characters. I tried making them my age but they just seemed to keep moaning about stuff.

A lot of those comics can't hold down relationships and they've got no other life apart from performing. They sleep in their Jags and a lot of them can't even talk. All they can do is tell gags.