If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.

You can't do comedy with a beard.

But as in all cults, what's central to the Communist Party is the belief system and the elimination of nuance. From there you're very slowly led down the road to fanaticism and mass murder.

Even a blind dog can find a bone every so often.

For me, the showbiz memoir is uninteresting - you want to tell people something they don't know about.

I exist as an annexe of the BBC. I'm down the road a bit from the main building, in a little hut.

Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like ""Brothers in Arms"" and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git.