Everyone I used to work with is still alive and can afford expensive lawyers.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like ""Brothers in Arms"" and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git.

If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.

Now, as a comic, if you're vaguely amusing you can go straight into TV, then you play the O2 and then everyone's sick of you.

I don't think I'd ever get thin, but I don't see why I should necessarily think that I couldn't You can't live your life for your routines.

If you travel to the States... they have a lot of different words than like what we use. For instance: they say 'elevator', we say 'lift'; they say 'drapes', we say 'curtains'; they say 'president', we say 'seriously deranged git.'