Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like ""Brothers in Arms"" and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git.

A lot of those comics can't hold down relationships and they've got no other life apart from performing. They sleep in their Jags and a lot of them can't even talk. All they can do is tell gags.

People used to think I was just a shouty comic but I was doing stuff about Sartre.

My name is Alexei Yuri Gagarin Siege of Stalingrad Glorious Five Year Plan Sputnik Tractor Moscow Dynamo Back Four Balowski. Me Dad was a bit of a Communist, know what I mean?

Even a blind dog can find a bone every so often.

Most of my friends are women - I quite fancied being a woman in a way.

If someone starts agreeing with me, I don't like it. Out of pique, I become something else.