The optimum frequency with which comedians should do a series is every year. I do one every three years. My audience is literally dying off.

Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like ""Brothers in Arms"" and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git.

I always thought communism was crap, really.

I don't think I'd ever get thin, but I don't see why I should necessarily think that I couldn't You can't live your life for your routines.

For me, the showbiz memoir is uninteresting - you want to tell people something they don't know about.

First off, I have to mention what is undoubtedly the greatest phenomenon of the modern era: All You Can Eat Buffets.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.